More to the point, choose food that takes a long time to chew. Chew it and chew it. Chew it with your mouth open if you have to. If an “adult” gives you any guff, give ‘em the finger in return, and keep on chewing. Sure, eating foods that take forever to chew means you’re getting plenty of fiber and giving your body time to feel sated before cramdowning another pork slider, but, more importantly, chewing things builds character. Maybe you don’t believe me, but look at cowboys and baseball players and behold the proof that has been chewing you in the face and you didn’t even realize it! Chewing also builds face muscles to give you that manly, chiseled look that all the people love and trust. The more you chew, the more willing people will be to place their lives in your hands when it really counts. Don’t even try to front, you know what I mean. And how else are you going to feel happy when you look back on it from your deathbed and examine your life’s accomplishments? Now you’re getting it. Your silence speaks volumes. Very low volumes. A barely audible, rhythmic, grinding pulse that tells me you’re finished thinking and have moved on to doing. That’s what I like to hear. You’re looking great. Keep it up. That’s right.
Keep chewing.