May 2013
1 tag
1 tag
One With Dog
I don’t remember why I thought it needed to go down like this, but I’d figured out a certifiably kickass hiding place for my mother’s running shoes and no way was I going to help her find them now. She was going to have to do it on her own. I feigned inattention as she bumbled from room to room, puzzled and crooning her neck to inspect dark corners, behind couches, under chairs and beds, and...
If You Want To Learn About Men
If I were a creature from another planet, and I wanted to learn about human men, I wouldn’t read our literature or study our television programs. I would hang out in public restrooms, because that’s where shit is the most real.
Men are more vulnerable than they let on. Human males avoid eye-contact and conversation in public restrooms. The shame of it is sad, but the mutuality of it...
copycatr:
Little League baseball can eat my asshole.
Strike one!
For a Joyful Use of Curse Words
whileyouweresleeping:
“…profanity and obscenity entitle people who don’t want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you,” said Kurt Vonnegut.
I see his point. But further to Bailey’s expletive-ridden posts (here and here) and in light of their effectiveness, I felt like sharing a few thoughts.
She timed them perfectly. As it happens, recent research shows that in certain...
The Art of Cursing
You’ll always remember the first time you hear your kid say the f-word. Like the Space Shuttle Challenger exploding or the falling of the Berlin Wall or the morning of 9/11, it leaves something permanent pressed into the soft tissue between the two ears that apprehend it.
The first of my offspring to dip his toe into the profane end of the language pool was the middle child. (It’s always the...
Fitness Update
suburbanreport:
So far, so awful. I ran a half marathon yesterday but apparently EVERYONE DOES THAT NOW so I was just another fat guy sweating into a personalized t-shirt and begging horrified onlookers to give me high-fives. I bookended the race with two binge eating and drinking sessions so my net weight loss for my fun fitness weekend was a nine pound GAIN. All I need to do is stop drinking...
1 tag
What's Ten Percent Between Friends?
Between May 1 and July 1, I’m going to try to lose 10% of my body weight. Jason says he is too, but we’ll see about that.
My starting weight was 178 lbs on April 30. If I’m “overweight” at all, it’s only by a few pounds, and I’m not trying to be a waif. But I do want to be in better physical condition and feel healthier, and the healthiest I remember...
3 tags
April 2013
Keep Saying It
Dominant: What's my name?
Submissive: Big data.
Dominant: Say my name.
Submissive: Big data.
Dominant: Louder.
Submissive: BIG DATA.
Dominant: AGAIN.
Submissive: BIG DATA!
Dominant: KEEP SAYING IT.
Submissive: BIG DATA! BIG DATA! BIG DATA! BIG DATA!
1 tag
“There are millions of people who believe that evil lies at the core of humanity....”
– Finish Lines — Unforgettable Moments — Medium (by this beautiful man)
There’s your winner.
1 tag
Anonymous asked: you are so hot
Twitter Service Issue
twitterstatus:
Some users may be experiencing an issue with our service. Our engineers are currently working on this issue.
I’ve been experiencing an issue with Twitter’s service. Mainly, it’s been distracting and trite, and, for a number of years has coaxed little besides the same from me. I’m glad to hear their engineers are currently working on the issue.
1 tag
Incredible
What’s incredible is Tumblr’s relentless, self-sabotaging regurgitation of the same word that art critic Clement Greenberg assailed peers for misusing to the diminution of the word’s meaning and, ultimately, at the expense of their critical credibility.
I just find that incredibly poetic.
The Trouble With Promoted Posts In the Dashboard
Guys I just got one! I’m so (incredibly) excited!
It was an animated GIF promoting the Gatsby movie, and it featured Leonardo DiCaprio raising a glass of bubbly to me and making an (incredibly) earnest toast to my health and creativity.
Here’s the thing. I scrolled past it three or four times before spotting it. And I was LOOKING. I mean, I was on a hunt specifically for a...
3 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Concession Stand French Fries
Conner: Fortunately, these are warm. Unfortunately, they taste like feces.
Me: More unfortunately, you seem to know what you're talking about.
Conner: Hm. Indeed.
“We see a dog, it is barking. It could be a K9 unit. We don’t know. It is a dog.”
– CNN (via kateoplis)
Politicalprof: Everything you need to know about the modern media, particularly the “oh my god I have to fill 24 hours of air time with 22 minutes of information” networks, is contained in this quote.
(via politicalprof)
I ran into a woman on the street who told me she was...
“When you install from the Theme Garden page, Tumblr’s sophisticated network of...”
– The Pragmatist: Auto-Updates Now Available for The Pragmatist
Now that I don’t have to constantly update my own downloads page and push out release notifications, I’m looking forward to dedicating some of that free time to improving my analogy-crafting skills.
2 tags
“Karp seems to treat Tumblr like a junior high lunch room–he sits with his five...”
– String of Executive Departures Leaves a Leadership Vacuum at the Top of Tumblr | Betabeat
Whoa, wild timing for this article to come out today. I wish I could say I was surprised by the portrait it paints.
Support ticket #1534453
Well, that’s a wrap, folks.
pragmatist-theme:
Finally got the (telling non-)answer to really the most important question in terms of whether or not it’s worth one’s while to make themes for Tumblr. The problem with The Pragmatist, according to whomever is the “theme garden lead,” is that “the aesthetics did not match what Tumblr is looking for.” Sigh.
Turner,
Thanks again for your...
Trust Matters
Like my wife and I and a lot of other people, our friends Lindsay and Ryan have a dog. Their dog is an ancient Japanese Chin named Mikoto. Mikoto weighs maybe five pounds, yet lumbers when he moves, is completely deaf, and lives a monk-silent life. Because Mikoto is for so many reasons portable, he gets to go places.
A couple of weekends ago, Lindsay and Ryan went to a spa/hotel place tucked...
Tumblr Staff: A year ago, Tumblr did something... →
nostrich:
staff:
A year ago, Tumblr did something unprecedented — we created an editorial team of experienced journalists and editors assigned to cover Tumblr as a living, breathing community. The team’s mandate was to tell the stories of Tumblr creators in a truly thoughtful way — focusing on the people, their…
So proud of Tumblr for announcing the layoffs of a bunch of smart people as...
Version 1.03 Released
pragmatist-theme:
Hey! Hey, you!
Remember that time I thought it would take me a week to introduce that new feature and then it took three weeks because I got pretty absorbed in home repairs and work responsibilities and family life? Well, that time is over, my friends, and version 1.03 of The Pragmatist (that tumblr theme you might be using) is ready to roll.
As usual, you cannot get it from...
