May 2013
Blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blog blog blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blog blog blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blog blog blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah blah blog blah blah blah blah...
May 24th
7 notes
“Actually, it’s pronounced ‘pedant.’”
– Avery Edison (@aedison) December 6, 2009
May 24th
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May 23rd
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May 23rd
4 notes
“English is full of words whose pronunciation deviates from prescribed...”
– Erik J. Macki on The GIF Pronunciation Page, which totally exists and is far more entertaining than howtopronouncegif.com, which also totally exists.
May 23rd
6 notes
“If you absolutely must crawl up my ass with a microscope, at least spare me the...”
– George Friedman
May 21st
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May 20th
41 notes
1 tag
May 16th
1 note
1 tag
May 16th
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May 15th
9 notes
One With Dog
I don’t remember why I thought it needed to go down like this, but I’d figured out a certifiably kickass hiding place for my mother’s running shoes and no way was I going to help her find them now. She was going to have to do it on her own. I feigned inattention as she bumbled from room to room, puzzled and crooning her neck to inspect dark corners, behind couches, under chairs and beds, and...
May 14th
8 notes
If You Want To Learn About Men
If I were a creature from another planet, and I wanted to learn about human men, I wouldn’t read our literature or study our television programs. I would hang out in public restrooms, because that’s where shit is the most real. Men are more vulnerable than they let on. Human males avoid eye-contact and conversation in public restrooms. The shame of it is sad, but the mutuality of it...
May 13th
18 notes
May 12th
14 notes
copycatr: Little League baseball can eat my asshole. Strike one!
May 11th
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May 9th
11 notes
For a Joyful Use of Curse Words
whileyouweresleeping: “…profanity and obscenity entitle people who don’t want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you,” said Kurt Vonnegut. I see his point. But further to Bailey’s expletive-ridden posts (here and here) and in light of their effectiveness, I felt like sharing a few thoughts. She timed them perfectly. As it happens, recent research shows that in certain...
May 8th
29 notes
The Art of Cursing
You’ll always remember the first time you hear your kid say the f-word. Like the Space Shuttle Challenger exploding or the falling of the Berlin Wall or the morning of 9/11, it leaves something permanent pressed into the soft tissue between the two ears that apprehend it. The first of my offspring to dip his toe into the profane end of the language pool was the middle child. (It’s always the...
May 7th
22 notes
Fitness Update
suburbanreport: So far, so awful.  I ran a half marathon yesterday but apparently EVERYONE DOES THAT NOW so I was just another fat guy sweating into a personalized t-shirt and begging horrified onlookers to give me high-fives.  I bookended the race with two binge eating and drinking sessions so my net weight loss for my fun fitness weekend was a nine pound GAIN. All I need to do is stop drinking...
May 6th
29 notes
May 6th
17 notes
May 3rd
12 notes
1 tag
What's Ten Percent Between Friends?
Between May 1 and July 1, I’m going to try to lose 10% of my body weight. Jason says he is too, but we’ll see about that. My starting weight was 178 lbs on April 30. If I’m “overweight” at all, it’s only by a few pounds, and I’m not trying to be a waif. But I do want to be in better physical condition and feel healthier, and the healthiest I remember...
May 2nd
26 notes
May 2nd
6 notes
May 2nd
10 notes
3 tags
May 1st
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May 1st
17 notes
April 2013
Apr 30th
11 notes
Apr 30th
35 notes
Keep Saying It
Dominant: What's my name?
Submissive: Big data.
Dominant: Say my name.
Submissive: Big data.
Dominant: Louder.
Submissive: BIG DATA.
Dominant: AGAIN.
Submissive: BIG DATA!
Dominant: KEEP SAYING IT.
Submissive: BIG DATA! BIG DATA! BIG DATA! BIG DATA!
Apr 29th
8 notes
Apr 28th
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Apr 28th
26 notes
1 tag
“There are millions of people who believe that evil lies at the core of humanity....”
– Finish Lines — Unforgettable Moments — Medium (by this beautiful man) There’s your winner.
Apr 26th
31 notes
1 tag
Apr 25th
24 notes
Anonymous asked: you are so hot
Apr 25th
3 notes
Apr 25th
9 notes
Twitter Service Issue
twitterstatus: Some users may be experiencing an issue with our service. Our engineers are currently working on this issue. I’ve been experiencing an issue with Twitter’s service. Mainly, it’s been distracting and trite, and, for a number of years has coaxed little besides the same from me. I’m glad to hear their engineers are currently working on the issue.
Apr 23rd
92 notes
1 tag
Incredible
What’s incredible is Tumblr’s relentless, self-sabotaging regurgitation of the same word that art critic Clement Greenberg assailed peers for misusing to the diminution of the word’s meaning and, ultimately, at the expense of their critical credibility. I just find that incredibly poetic.
Apr 22nd
17 notes
The Trouble With Promoted Posts In the Dashboard
Guys I just got one! I’m so (incredibly) excited! It was an animated GIF promoting the Gatsby movie, and it featured Leonardo DiCaprio raising a glass of bubbly to me and making an (incredibly) earnest toast to my health and creativity. Here’s the thing. I scrolled past it three or four times before spotting it. And I was LOOKING. I mean, I was on a hunt specifically for a...
Apr 22nd
21 notes
3 tags
Apr 22nd
6 notes
1 tag
Apr 22nd
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Apr 22nd
5 notes
1 tag
Apr 22nd
6 notes
Apr 21st
23 notes
Concession Stand French Fries
Conner: Fortunately, these are warm. Unfortunately, they taste like feces.
Me: More unfortunately, you seem to know what you're talking about.
Conner: Hm. Indeed.
Apr 20th
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Apr 19th
21 notes
“We see a dog, it is barking. It could be a K9 unit. We don’t know. It is a dog.”
– CNN (via kateoplis) Politicalprof: Everything you need to know about the modern media, particularly the “oh my god I have to fill 24 hours of air time with 22 minutes of information” networks, is contained in this quote. (via politicalprof) I ran into a woman on the street who told me she was...
Apr 19th
6,371 notes
Apr 17th
58 notes
“When you install from the Theme Garden page, Tumblr’s sophisticated network of...”
– The Pragmatist: Auto-Updates Now Available for The Pragmatist  Now that I don’t have to constantly update my own downloads page and push out release notifications, I’m looking forward to dedicating some of that free time to improving my analogy-crafting skills.
Apr 13th
17 notes
2 tags
Apr 12th
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“Karp seems to treat Tumblr like a junior high lunch room–he sits with his five...”
– String of Executive Departures Leaves a Leadership Vacuum at the Top of Tumblr | Betabeat Whoa, wild timing for this article to come out today. I wish I could say I was surprised by the portrait it paints.
Apr 11th
138 notes
Support ticket #1534453
Well, that’s a wrap, folks. pragmatist-theme: Finally got the (telling non-)answer to really the most important question in terms of whether or not it’s worth one’s while to make themes for Tumblr. The problem with The Pragmatist, according to whomever is the “theme garden lead,” is that “the aesthetics did not match what Tumblr is looking for.” Sigh. Turner, Thanks again for your...
Apr 11th
70 notes